again and again until we learn the lesson

hi everyone. i am excited to report that 1) i love my new casac class, other students, and teacher are all really interesting and different and cool and, most of all, learning is just so downright amazing that i am perpetually grateful for the opportunity just to be in class. 2) job interview on tuesday at a somewhat nearby rehab is exciting and making me hopeful 3) i like the meetings around here even though i still feel like a newcomer and sort of isolated they are helping a ton and lastly i am muttering thru some of my dad's struggles with his health despite feeling sorry for myself frequently and needing a big gentle reminder often that this is not about me.

ok, so big changes have happened on this end. i blogged so much about how hard it is and was i feel compelled to report that things are improving. i also had a really strange experience this past week where i learned that my family had this secret...trauma?...that i never knew about until this week. i guess both me and my sister were really little at time of incident and so we were too young to know. then as we got older i guess there just was never a good time. anyway, it all came out this week and it really altered my perception of all sort of things. mostly though it just made me realize that even when we think we know people and what they have gone thru, we sometimes dont know as much as we think we do.

all of this, the moving, the family stuff--it has made me think. really think about who i am and who i want to be. time and time again i am forced to remember that it is action not thinking that really changes our lives. sitting around and waiting to figure things out or waiting for the time to be right to make changes on some level this is all just...putting things off. dont get me wrong sometimes we need to put stuff off. to wait and see. to take time to just be. other times though, we need to stop the thinking, the being, and just start doing. i, for one, am not a great doer and it really takes work. i am getting there and you all are helping me.

thanks for listening again. xxk