getting lost--and then getting back on track

hi all. tonite is a weird night. i have a new teacher, have mixed feelings about work, and feel sort of all over the map. what little that was beginning to feel comfortable from my move in september seems to have turned upside down again--at least sort of.

tonite i was driving home from school and having taken a friend home was in a new part of town. i have taken this person home before and when i made this turn--i immediately felt like it was wrong. then i told myself no, the person said turn left. so i drove on for like 5 miles the entire time thinking...this is wrong. finally i turned around, went back, and corrected myself. once back on track i wondered why it took me so long to correct myself--since i knew almost immediately i was off track. i didnt trust myself though and so got had to get really far into being lost before i believed i should turn around.

i know obvious metaphor alert but i am tired and this is where i am going tonite. maybe sobriety/recovery/growth is not about not making mistakes but about trusting our intuition and correcting them as soon as we can and then not beating ourselves up later for having made them at all. i guess the real wisdom would say good job getting back on track. i know this, next time i will not make that same mistake--maybe another--but not that one. perhaps this is all we can really ask of ourselves. another sober night that ends with me learning something--even if it only to veer right at the v. xxk