its all about connections...

Hi. Today my day loosely sucked until I got home and then I had a great day. At work I had cancelled appointments and paperwork which puts me in a predictable work funk. I didnt start doing this job bc I like solitude or paperwork...anyway, the highlight of my day was a coworker turning me on to this interesting work called reality therapy or soemthing like that--I think it is based on something else interesting called choice theory. Anyway,If I am remembering what I read correctly then reality therapy based on choice theory posits that most problems people have are relational in nature. So helping people be healthier is about helping them get closer to the people that they want to be close to. There is this axiom called choice theory axiom and it asks "is what i am doing getting me closer to the people that i need?" none of the stuff i read on this website gave me any deep understanding of the work but it did help solidify some of my recent ideas abotu how recovery is all about connection with ourselves and with the people we love and maybe even with something bigger that that all. When we feel that connection then all feels right with the universe and when we dont we can feel totally shithouse regardless of our circumstances. I actually once remember being dressed in a killer black pantsuit, working in an amazing office, with pretty cool people and just feeling totally and completley disconnected from it all. I felt alone and small. I didnt feel like I was being true to myself which made all of my interactions with others feel inauthentic and plastic. It would not surprise anyone to read that even in my lamest jeans and a tee shirt with my birkenstocks on, I feel more whole, real, connected and confident sitting in an old and runned down house turn office in Vermont then I ever did in NYC. Our connections with others are our lifeline but we need to start with ourselves. We hear it in 12 step programs, we read it in many religious texts, even pop pyschoogy says it--our life when all is said and done is about the people who are close to us, the people we love. Deep down maybe we all know it. The moon is full and a little eerie tonite as I make my way to sleep. Who am I close to already? Who do I need to be closer to? and how do I get there from here? Maybe it is enough to just begin to mull it around. I will say that blogging is definitely helping me get more in touch with my own voice and really has helped me feel more connected to the universe (as noted in my cosntant corny comments about it). Whoever you are and wherever you are--I hope you feel connected to someone tonite. I like to think that we are all asleep in our beds with big giant crayon lines connecting the dots between the tops of our houses--a giant coloring book page from above. All of us connected and only the universe really knowing how or why...xx