hi all. tonite i am sad. today someone once very close to me passed away. she was my great aunt mamie. my mother's father's sister to be exact. a few months ago my family went to mamie's 100th year birthday party. it was amazing to see generations of people all there to celebrate one person.
over the years i've grown away from mamie--or actually not even, more like i moved away and then grew away. it is weird how that works. how we can grow away from people just because we dont see them often and then still feel in a way like our relationship is the same. i think this only happens with special people in our lives. i am lucky to have a few people who i really dont need to see but i know they are always here with me and i know that i am there with them. they are in some small way inside of me.
i think i wrote ages ago about how my therapists voice will sometimes appear in my head--being encouraging or supportive--challenging my negative self talk or all or nothing thinking. my aunt mamie is different though bc i dont hear her voice as much as recall her home. it is hard to explain how safe and happy i felt as a child in her presence and in her home. she did not have her own children and i imagine that i was not the first child to feel the bliss of her sole attention comforting. we would sleep in her high giant bed and i would listen to her stories from when she was a young girl--growing up in that very home. at a time in my life where much was changing her home was a constant place of safety and comfort.
my aunt mamie or, to the rest of the world, mary huth was many things to many people--daughter, sister, wife, aunt, teacher but what she was to me was my mamie. i know mamie missed her family and friends most of whom had long since passed. i am glad tonite for her that she has returned to them. as for me, i know she has not really gone anywhere where i cant reach her. good night mamie. xxk
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