Sunday

I hate Sundays. I specifically hate Sunday nights. This has been going on for as long as I can remember but seemed to get worse when I was drinking a lot and often just felt terrible by Sunday night. Now, I dont drink and so you'd think Sundays would be ok but not so. I still dread them. Maybe I need to get a religion--except I think most of them are fear based and hypocritical or maybe I just need to stop my negative thinking and stop predicting my Sundays will be long and terrible. Whatever the reason, I have got to stop hating on Sundays. They, afterall, are a part of the weekend which should be when I feel happy, joyous, and free...whatever that means. I realize that part of the struggle here is my difficulty managing time without the structure of work. I have been investigating the Women For Sobriety program and really connect with their goal setting stuff. I need some goals--that dont involve kids or work. I have tons of things I want to do: learn to knit, learn Spanish, become a beekeeper, grow a garden, become more enviromentally aware, investiage possibly becoming a Quaker, get a tatoo, write more, run 10 miles, read more. This is my short list. So with of all these things I want to do why the f can't begin even trying to do one of them and why not use Sundays. Granted, I have two young children but certainly I could carve out sometime when they fall asleep. I seem to always be tired which maybe is just another way of saying unmotivated or bored. To this point I do think that it is true---boredom is symptomatic of a boring person. Certainly this amazingly diverse large and life filled universe is not boring. Me and my stuck inside on cold weather self is...boring. I am going to get on this. I am tired of being stuck. Just bought a new alarm clock called the Zen. Hoping to begin my earlier wake up time tomorrow. With so much to do and learn who has time to sleep late? Hope someone is reading this. I think only my Mom reads which is funny bc I talk to her more then anyone else already. Ah well, it actually has been helping me to feel better--which I guess is sort of the point. I read this other blog a few days ago had all of these cool pics and way cool things. Made me feel inadequate in blog world. I'm keeping it simple though...x