hi all. here i am. today i sent out a resume, set up an interview, and contacted a person i admire. continuing my resolve to take action and not get stuck in thinking about all of the reasons why i should not take action. of course i have the requisite self doubt, but mostly i am doing ok. maybe i am even a little proud of myself. i am finally moving from thinking into action and i just cannot believe how truly hard it can be for me to do this. how easy it is for me to ruminate, worry, obsess and get stuck in my head and then how refreshing it is to take action and just stop thinking so much.
i dont know how or where this all started but i do recognize these self defeating behaviors as old friends (or enemies) that come out to play just when i need them least. the antidote to all of the thinking issues is action though. how liberating it is to do. action towards growth is really quite possibly the opposite in all ways of addiction. addiction is stuck if you are lucky and moving backwards if you are honest. nothing about abusing anything is forward moving--not really. when they say that the disease is progessive it is only the disease that really goes forward, the person goes back back back or down. either way you look at it, i think moving forward in any direction is moving towards recovery and is good and healthy.
i need to be careful when i stall. when i get stuck there is always the possibility that i will go backwards and so i am careful during these times. like a new driver to a stick shift--when the hills start coming i need to be careful not to roll back down. so i am careful. i am here writing to you all again. being mindful. thinking but not overthinking and trying to eat well, exercise and do the next right thing. keeping it simple as they say. hope you are too. xxk
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