today is thursday. still no word on the house. and some bad news about the job we thought my husband had. he doesnt. total communication failure resulted in him not being able to take the job which means that he now has to start looking again. not sure if i should laugh or cry. i guess laugh. my dad is struggling with deciding between angioplast or bipass surgery. and today i have to go to court to testify against one of my favorite clients. i am trying to just accpet that this is a hard week and that still things happen as they should and as they are supposed to. i admit to really struggling with this lately and constantly engaging in taking my will back and then turning it over again. i feel emotionally done in by too many possiblities. i dont even know what to hope for anymore, other then the strength to make the best of whatever actually happens...
i can say happily that during all of this i've not wanted a drink and that i actually am able to feel oddly serene sometimes during chaos which i attribute to my past but, hey, whatever works at this point. i am basically stressed but still happy. i love my kids, husband, family, job, and house and realize that having my health and my family having theirs is priceless and the only thing that truly matters. i am grateful for this beyond words. i am also grateful for the ability to step outside of this nonsense and see what really matters is all totally together and fine. the rest is just...details. where i live and what i do for a job are important but they dont define who i am and they certainly are not going to dictate how happy i can or cant be. in the end, i have everything i want and need right in this crazy day. i just need to keep reminding myself of that...here's to a day full of acceptance and gratitude for all of us. xxk
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