easter sunday. aside from sometimes dying eggs this day means not that much to me. maybe i feel a touch of guilt bc of this but mostly i dont. mostly i just feel grateful that the weather is good and that my husband is home on sundays now and not always working. though i sometimes feel ungrateful today is not one of those days. today i (at least sort of) get it. i get that everyone in my life is healthy. i get that this in of itself is something to feel happy for and to celebrate. i get that the gifts that i have been graciously given by the universe are not necessarily mine forever and that i need to love them, right now, the exact way that they are-not later, not when the become what i want, but right now--here in this moment. i get that people and events are perfect exactly as they are and that my version is not better.

i heard someone at a meeting recently say that they head soemone else say--what makes you think that you can make a plan that is better then gods plan for you? this sentiment is not my favorite. i have god issues, big time, but there was something in there that i like. maybe i could revise it into what makes me think that my plan for myself or other people is somehow better then anyone elses plan for themselves, their life. how many times have things gone what i thought was wrong--only for me to later learn that things went exactly right. many many many times.

today i am working on acceptance. i think i'll be working on this for a long long time. accepting the picture that is blurred. the person as they are not as i want them to be. myself for the imperfect, but trying, person that i am. the serentity prayer says we need to accept the things that we cannot change and as this relates to others this almost is always the case--the part i can change--is me.