Hi All, I heard these 3 questions last night at a meeting and I just had to get them down before I forget. Someone was suggesting that we write these three questions down on a paper and keep them with us at all times. Here they are: 1) Does it need to be said? 2) Does it need to be said now? and 3) Does it need to be me that says it? I thought these were such interesting questions to ask ourselves. Why? So often it seems I get myself into trouble by saying things that I later realize I ever needed even to be thinking about--let alone talking about.
What is my business and what is not? Where does it make sense for me to put my energy and where am I wasting my time? These three questions really distill this down. Why? Because it is true that often we do need to say something about our own feelings or thoughts. Often it is important to do this for our own process and so that other people can relate to us, but the key here is that I know that when I speak about my own experiences then it only can be me talking. Once I start getting involved with my opionions/comments/and theories about other people's lives and choices then I am defintely entering some murky waters.
The truth is that I am not sure I belong in those waters at all. Often times I fear I end up there bc my own waters are not looking terribly appealing and so rather then clean up my own water--I dive head first into your water and start figuring out what you need to do in order to get things back the way that I want them. It is funny thinking about it this way. It is funny to think how easy and quick it is to judge other people and get involved in their lives when really I have enough to deal with just handling my own life.
I am left to consider the realities of life and recovery. To me, the very essence of recovery is taking responsibility for my life and my choices. It means that I do not get to point the finger at someone else and blame them for my life. I just don't. I gave up that option along with the six pack and joint that went with it. I admit that sometimes I miss this safety blanket--I remember how comfortable it was for me there. All wrapped up and comfortable in my victim blanket. Warm and cozy. Safe from all of the introspection, thought, and growth that comes from taking responsibility for my life--I could have easily stayed there stuck and alone.
I admit it, it has not been easy to learn how to own my life. It has been hard and more often then I like to admit I find myself sliding easily into the blame someone else thinking. The only difference now is that I dont stay there so long. I get there to my victim place--look around and realize that I dont want to be there. I know better now. I hope you do too. xxK
