11.16.18
Where I am.
It feels like nowhere here.
Nowhere I've been before. Nowhere I want to go. Nowhere I understand how to get anywhere from. New. Blank. Scary. Mean. Sad. Small. Ugly.
Paper cuts all over me. Inside of me. Outside of me. I don't know where they came from. I want Band-Aids. I want healing. Everything feels too small to see or touch, but still somehow there. This pain is not how I want it. I want the pain big. A giant gash or cut that bleeds everywhere. Instead it's dull, aching. I'm scared it's chronic. I'm scared it's forever.
I want to be told what to do.
I want to be told what to do.
I want to be told what to do.
I am not told. I am asking. I am staring at white sky. I am looking for signs. I am looking for meaning. Symbols. I am pleading with no one. I am mad at everyone.
Somewhere from here there is healing. I am pinned down on black velvet. Awaiting directions. Awaiting coordinates.
I will wait.
I will wait.
I will wait.
Where I am.
It feels like nowhere here.
Nowhere I've been before. Nowhere I want to go. Nowhere I understand how to get anywhere from. New. Blank. Scary. Mean. Sad. Small. Ugly.
Paper cuts all over me. Inside of me. Outside of me. I don't know where they came from. I want Band-Aids. I want healing. Everything feels too small to see or touch, but still somehow there. This pain is not how I want it. I want the pain big. A giant gash or cut that bleeds everywhere. Instead it's dull, aching. I'm scared it's chronic. I'm scared it's forever.
I want to be told what to do.
I want to be told what to do.
I want to be told what to do.
I am not told. I am asking. I am staring at white sky. I am looking for signs. I am looking for meaning. Symbols. I am pleading with no one. I am mad at everyone.
Somewhere from here there is healing. I am pinned down on black velvet. Awaiting directions. Awaiting coordinates.
I will wait.
I will wait.
I will wait.
