hi fellow friends, so happy to be here with you. this holiday season has been so busy it has been predictably hard to find time to think and therefore i found i have/had little to say. until today. i have been given the simple but good advice to do something nice for myself each day. i admit that this simple act has been hard for me. i know there are a million annoying reasons why i am like this but suffice to say it is a total effort to do something nice for myself each day...the current me would rather wait for someone else to do it for me or, even better, develop a resentment when they dont and continue to feel my own weird version of victimized. codependency really blows. not profound words i know, but true words. codependency has been big on my mind lately and finding the balance between myself and other people might be the struggle of my life or at least my thirties.
how i often i find myself not taking care of myself and then sort of being the martyr when i do things for everyone else. also this year i returned to some old...control issues...that i've not dealt with in ten years. i am being gentle with myself htough and just working thru it. one day at a time. boy am i grateful for recovery. i soemtimes wonder how the rest of the world knows what to do when they have a problem. that might be funny.
anyway, today my nice thing for myself was writing this. the amount that writing feeds my soul and enriches my life cannot be understated. and i've returned to reading really good books again and find that they are like an old friend that i forgot about and yet always can depend on. so now when i am at work and bored, i read some hemingway, not some dsm textbook or addiction study and i find myself thinking differently. seeing the art and beauty in the world and not just the addiction and the dysfunction. seeing the beauty in the reality of this mysterious, banal, tedious, and then mind blowing life might be what it is all about.
whoever you are reading out there. i hope you are doing one nice thing for yourself everyday too. i hope we all try to do this. i forgive us in advance for not getting it exactly right...xxk
so glad that you are writing again! i have been checking daily for the past week or so... my girls really love your blog, so they will be thrilled to hear a new "recovering K" entry on friday, sort of like an early christmas present for all of them. i brought up the prayer of st. francis tonight in group. we're thinking along the same lines of doing for others, but i like your twist about doing nice things for yourself. it is a balance, just like everything in recovery! happy holidays... keep writing... miss you... hugs :)
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