Hi All,
Today is Monday, President's Day. I had to work. It was a long day at work. I was busy and felt that everyone I talked to felt disappointed in me and that I wasnt doing enough to help them. I felt this in a defensive and sort of mad way. I felt my very least favorite feeling. Powerless. A close cousin to my other least favorite feeling. Inadequate.
I tell you this not because I need to break down my job or peformance but because I know myself well enough to know that this is more about me than them. And these two feeling specifically are definitely my new go to trigger feelings. I am not sure how to handle them except to be aware of them. Notice them. Invite them in. Be their friends. Hello powerlessness. Hello inadequacey. Hello to my new old desire to save people. To fix people. To heal people. Hello to these old friends that I now see as enemies. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Where did you come from? What is it about me that keeps inviting you back? Leave me alone. You mess up my work and make me over personalize and under perform. You are not helpful and you are not wanted here. Powerlessness? I will not work harder than the people that I work with. Inadequacey? I will not assume responsibility for someone else's choices nor will I take more responsibility for another person than they take for themselves. I will not feel guilty or apologize. I will be strong. I will be kind. I will be compassionate. I will be present.
I will not live in other people's problems. I will not use their problems to avoid my own pain or discomfort. I will accept my own sadness, my own loss, my own pain. I will not hide or deflect. I will not be sarcastic even when challenged with sarcasm.
I will do my best. I will look at my part. I will challenge myself to find new and creative ways to empower myself and to empower those around me. I will connect when I can. I will be open when I want to close. I will be open. I will be open. I will be open. I will pray to the Universe. Heal me. Heal me. Heal me. I will close my eyes and envision a giant sewing needle stitching my heart, big loose stitches will bind me back together, and it will hurt, but it will heal.
xxxK
Today is Monday, President's Day. I had to work. It was a long day at work. I was busy and felt that everyone I talked to felt disappointed in me and that I wasnt doing enough to help them. I felt this in a defensive and sort of mad way. I felt my very least favorite feeling. Powerless. A close cousin to my other least favorite feeling. Inadequate.
I tell you this not because I need to break down my job or peformance but because I know myself well enough to know that this is more about me than them. And these two feeling specifically are definitely my new go to trigger feelings. I am not sure how to handle them except to be aware of them. Notice them. Invite them in. Be their friends. Hello powerlessness. Hello inadequacey. Hello to my new old desire to save people. To fix people. To heal people. Hello to these old friends that I now see as enemies. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Where did you come from? What is it about me that keeps inviting you back? Leave me alone. You mess up my work and make me over personalize and under perform. You are not helpful and you are not wanted here. Powerlessness? I will not work harder than the people that I work with. Inadequacey? I will not assume responsibility for someone else's choices nor will I take more responsibility for another person than they take for themselves. I will not feel guilty or apologize. I will be strong. I will be kind. I will be compassionate. I will be present.
I will not live in other people's problems. I will not use their problems to avoid my own pain or discomfort. I will accept my own sadness, my own loss, my own pain. I will not hide or deflect. I will not be sarcastic even when challenged with sarcasm.
I will do my best. I will look at my part. I will challenge myself to find new and creative ways to empower myself and to empower those around me. I will connect when I can. I will be open when I want to close. I will be open. I will be open. I will be open. I will pray to the Universe. Heal me. Heal me. Heal me. I will close my eyes and envision a giant sewing needle stitching my heart, big loose stitches will bind me back together, and it will hurt, but it will heal.
xxxK
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