Hi All,
Tonite is Monday night. I have not written in so long. I have been so busy with work, additional responsibilities and cool challenges that I think I've been coming home too tired to write or think. Well to some extent the dust has settled and here I am. I find myself back writing tonite because just today I learned about a dear friend's family members recent suicide attempt. Hearing that this young person had been close to attempting suicide really drove home to me how many people besides just my Dad struggled with this depression, this pain, this loneliness. I just sat there with my friend who was so very sad and felt sad with her. Sad for her pain, for his pain, for my Dad's pain, for mine. Sad that our loved ones felt so alone and in pain and that both of us in many ways were and are powerless to change that.
I thought about how we all can feel so alone sometimes and we go along feeling our unique aloneness until we walk straight into someone who feels just like we do. For me, I've had this experience over and over. I just keep walking into other people who have lost people that they love too. Sometimes they too have lost people to suicide and other times they have just lost people that they love and miss them, just like me. More and more often I wish we could all just give each other a hug and be nice to each other--knowing without having to hear the specific stories that each of us has our own story, pain, and inevitably loss.
Tonite I wanted to scream from my rooftop to this young kid...hey, my friend loves you. Heck, I love you. Life is painful and hard but we need you. I dont even know this kid and I feel like I need him. I mean, I do To the extent that we are all connected this kid is my kid. A struggling teenager who feels sad and lost and doesnt see how in a day, a week, a month he might begin to feel different. I think of starting a hotline where I will answer calls all day and convince sad people to not give up. A house where I will wear all white and walk clean and barefoot thru polished wood floors where sad and broken people will be loved, will heal. I think of my polished place in stark contrast to the Emergency Room. In stark contrast to Psych Wards.
I think about how in my white robes I can just let people be sad, and give them good food, and make them listen to good music, and walk outside, and draw, or paint or look at paintings. I think about bringing babies and young children in too to my big polished wood house and we could all wear white and just love each other. People who are addicted could stop. People who are broken could mend. And then when they were all better they could stay and live with us and help us help more people. We just be human together and be nice to each other. It's sad to think about how often I think about this place but it's my place and I'm not giving up hope for us yet. xxxK
Tonite is Monday night. I have not written in so long. I have been so busy with work, additional responsibilities and cool challenges that I think I've been coming home too tired to write or think. Well to some extent the dust has settled and here I am. I find myself back writing tonite because just today I learned about a dear friend's family members recent suicide attempt. Hearing that this young person had been close to attempting suicide really drove home to me how many people besides just my Dad struggled with this depression, this pain, this loneliness. I just sat there with my friend who was so very sad and felt sad with her. Sad for her pain, for his pain, for my Dad's pain, for mine. Sad that our loved ones felt so alone and in pain and that both of us in many ways were and are powerless to change that.
I thought about how we all can feel so alone sometimes and we go along feeling our unique aloneness until we walk straight into someone who feels just like we do. For me, I've had this experience over and over. I just keep walking into other people who have lost people that they love too. Sometimes they too have lost people to suicide and other times they have just lost people that they love and miss them, just like me. More and more often I wish we could all just give each other a hug and be nice to each other--knowing without having to hear the specific stories that each of us has our own story, pain, and inevitably loss.
Tonite I wanted to scream from my rooftop to this young kid...hey, my friend loves you. Heck, I love you. Life is painful and hard but we need you. I dont even know this kid and I feel like I need him. I mean, I do To the extent that we are all connected this kid is my kid. A struggling teenager who feels sad and lost and doesnt see how in a day, a week, a month he might begin to feel different. I think of starting a hotline where I will answer calls all day and convince sad people to not give up. A house where I will wear all white and walk clean and barefoot thru polished wood floors where sad and broken people will be loved, will heal. I think of my polished place in stark contrast to the Emergency Room. In stark contrast to Psych Wards.
I think about how in my white robes I can just let people be sad, and give them good food, and make them listen to good music, and walk outside, and draw, or paint or look at paintings. I think about bringing babies and young children in too to my big polished wood house and we could all wear white and just love each other. People who are addicted could stop. People who are broken could mend. And then when they were all better they could stay and live with us and help us help more people. We just be human together and be nice to each other. It's sad to think about how often I think about this place but it's my place and I'm not giving up hope for us yet. xxxK
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