hi all. today is sunday, it is memorial day weekend. i spent yesterday with some old friends and my family. it was a really fun time and i felt love and loved--i thought on my way home about how that feeling is so perfect and how happy i am that i got to experience it. i thought more about my last post and how bad i had been feeling about myself. i thought about how all we can do is try to be our best selves. how sometimes we try and succeed and how sometimes we try and just have to try again. maybe there is no failing really--maybe there is only trying again in a different way--having learned from the last way as much as we can.
i am thinking that my best self is not measured in miles run or not run. my best self is not measured in gold stars from my boss or performance reviews or numbers of meetings i've made or missed. my best self is measured by love. how much love i give and how much i allow myself to receive.
when i am critical of myself and sad--i am closed. i am not receiving much and i cant give much either. i am stuck--as i said. but when i really sit and think and be true to myself i know that i am not at all stuck. that i am on a journey and i am moving. even when i dont feel like it, i am moving. slowly. i am evolving and growing both from what i havent done and what i have. i am turning into exactly who i am and i am doing it in exactly the time and way that i am meant to. perhaps i am meant to experience unsuccessful attempts so that i will have compassion for the unsuccessful attempts of others. maybe i need to stop hating on myself and start loving myself a little more if i want to make real change. i should know by now that no big real and positive change happens without self love and acceptance. this is who i am. i am more likely to hit snooze then jump into running shoes, more likely to guzzle a coffee then do a yoga pose, but maybe that is ok. maybe i am exactly where i am supposed to be. learning. who knows where this road will take me but i know that me, who i am, what i have worked for and learned is exactly how i am supposed to be. xx
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